Thursday, July 8, 2010

Mind Sex

As I am exploring my ability to think about sex all day, I find it can be difficult to walk around in a state of constant arousal. Don't get me wrong, I love it. It's just that since the kids are home for summer I find it hard to either concentrate on what they are doing are talking about, or if I concentrate on them to much my arousal diminishes. I am still trying to work out a happy balance. However, the rewards for keeping my mind on sex day in and day out are wonderful. It makes me feel happier in general, and of course the release when Master lets me cum is wonderful. I am trying to push my limits in my sexual thoughts, trying to picture some kinky stuff that I have had trouble with in the bedroom, so I can picture them in my mind, but when it comes to doing it in real life I can't. Hopefully I will overcome this particular problem so maybe Master will be happy with me.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010


They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, however when Master and I were away from each other for a few days during our recent trip, I felt lost without him. I'm certain my heart did grow fonder but I was sad without him. It was only two days, but still I missed him constantly. When we were back together I wanted to have sex with him, but we only had time for a quick blow job. Which is one of my favorite things! But I did miss the intimacy of the actual act of sex. Last night after driving home, an eight hour drive, I showered and put on make up did my hair and wore a new dress to please Master. We then went to our room and I was lucky enough to get to suck his cock before he pushed it into my pussy. It felt so good to have Master on top of me, I truly missed him, and I hope that someday I can prove to him just much I really do love him.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Kink Me Up

Looking for some help. It seems that I need to "spice" things up in the sex department. Master and I do lots of kinky things inthe bedroom, but those kinky ideas come from Master. Master would like me to expand my kinky mind and come up with some ideas. So, please if you have any ideas on how I can expand that area of my brain I would appreciate it! I have been doing some daily sex training both mentally and physically, but need some help with expanding the kinkiness. I promise to post any sexy details!

Monday, June 21, 2010


Friday night we were blessed with a few hours of alone time. That happens too infrequently for our loud sex sessions. So the moment the kids were out the door, I put on my leather collar so that Master could then put my leash on. It has been awhile since I've been on a leash so this was nice for me. I always know we will have super kinky sex when I have a leash! So Master put me in a chair and we discussed some of my wrong doings and what the punishment for those wrongdoings will be. Master placed nipple clamps on me while we were discussing these issues, and they did hurt, but they felt soooo good when they were removed. From there Master stood me up and had me bend over the bed to receive my spanking. For this spanking Master used the pleasure whip. Which does hurt but it felt good to know I was being punished properly. Master and I then took pleasure in different positions like 69, and fucking me from behind, or from the front. I then had to pee and was instructed to pee into my hands and rub it all over me, which Master did lick some off of me and we fucked like rabbits until Master came. Then we showered and innocently waited for the kids to return. As always it was too short, but we did use it to our advantage. Luckily, Master and I usually have sex everyday, so more sex stories to follow.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010


Today we shed another layer of past. We got rid of my car. This is a good thing, above and beyond no further car payments, it was nice to get rid of something that stirs up bad memories. And this car had some bad memory baggage. Master has been very nice in acquiring another car for me, and look forward to having good memories attached to the new car. I really hope that by ridding ourselves of the old car will help in the repairations between us, because that constant reminder will no longer be there. I know there are still issues between us, and with hope still blooming in me I hope all will be well.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Lost and confused

This blog will have a different tone for awhile because Master and I are having to start things afresh. My incompetence has made Master's life miserable and I am going to be changing my personal behaviors and actions in an effort to be a good slave. I have realized things recently about myself that have caused Master confusion and I am undergoing a fundamental change in myself in order to be better. I am highly distressed due to my inability to make Master happy and now understand the changes within that need to be done. I saddens me that Master is unhappy with me, and only want to correct my wrongs to him. Wish me luck as I venture down this pathway.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Still Hearthurt

Communication is going better, or so I hope. I asked Master if our discussions over the last couple days is helping, and he did say that is helping somewhat. I know I have a long way to go, but I hold to hope that all will be well between us soon. I do get a better understanding of what Master is expecting of me, and so I hold to each insight in hopes of correcting the problems between us. I am frustrated with myself though. I only want Master to be happy, and I cannot be happy if Master is not. So with those concerns that little voice inside me still wonders if I will ever be good enough for Master. I miss him, and our closeness. I will continue to strive for the being slave for Master, so that perhaps someday he will be happy once again.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010


As I continue my struggle with communication, it occurs to me that perhaps I am being to simple of my explinations when speaking with Master. I always speak honestly, however in trying to be honest I believe I have lost sight of what an explination is. I will continue to work on this fault of mine. It is causing a rift with Master, which is just the opposite of what I want. Master is lonely, and I hurt for him. I feel like I am communicating with him but much to my dismay, it is not the right communication that Master is looking for. I want Master to be happy. I have obviously given him enough unhappiness and grief and truly want nothing more than for him to be happy. We will not go forward without his happiness, and Master is thinking of going in a different direction==away from me. This saddens me greatly!!!! So I will continue to fight for him. My heart is heavy, but never without hope.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Sad to Death

So I've thought about my lack of being able to communicate with Master, and am still somewhat in a slump. I have tried to broach the subject with Master, which much to my sadness made Master even more upset. He says I am doing too little too late. I am very saddened to hear this from Master, but alas I will not give up. I will continue to work on myself and only that Master will not dis-own me. My heart breaks for Master because all I want for him is happiness. Can I be the one to make him happy, and if I'm not, then what? Am I being selffish in expecting him to be happy with me?

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Lost again

I am failing at communicating with Master, although I don't know how I'm failing. I feel like I talk to Master but it isn't working. I talk about my feelings and my wants but to no avail. I want Master to understand how I feel and what I feel because Master is all important. I want nothing hidden from Master so feel that I am constantly stating all thoughts and feelings to him. However, I seem to be failing, and I don't know what or how I am doing it wrong. I just want open, honest, sincere communication. I have decided to study up on communicating as my way of communicating is not correct.

Thursday, April 22, 2010


Why is it that I always hear women trying to put the male race down? For instance I heard on the radio the other day the d.j.'s were requesting women to call in and basically complain that their men do enough around the house. There were plenty of women who decided to call in and complain. I'm sorry, but why? My Master may not do the dishes or the laundry or scrub toilets, but he does go to work every day and make money, and he tends to the yard, and to the garage, changes filters on air vents and handles our financials. So no he may not the day to day "chores" in our house, but why should he? He does enough already! My Master deserves to praised for such things, as do most men out there. We as women need to learn to be thankful that our Masters/Husbands/Significant Others work hard for our families, and that they have not been feminized!! Unfortunately that is part of what is wrong with our society is that men cannot be men and women cannot be women. Society as a whole has tried to feminize the male and turn our females into males. Go figure. Thank you Master for being the man you are!!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Spring Cleaning and Stuff

Spring cleaning seems to bring out the shine in your home. However with that comes the dust and the actual realization of how much shit one family can accumulate. I'm quite embarrassed that I had not taken better notice last year on the yearly cleaning campaign. UGH! And I have to say that by far our twins room is the worst. They are two teenage boys and I cannot blame them 100% for the masses of stuff they have. They not get their own clothes, toys, video games and shoes but they also get the hand me downs from their older brother. Incredible. But again with the wonderful support of my wonderful Master I am allowed to clean everything! I plan to thank my Master by of course, worshipping his cock tonight, because he so deserves it!!

Monday, April 19, 2010

Turning a new leaf

So on Thursday I was terminated from my place of employment. Which is actually a blessing. I worked odd long hours, and could never catch up with matters at home. So Master has declared that I will not be going back to work outside of the home. I couldn't be happier. I have the BEST Master ever! So I have turned my focuses to getting our house properly organized (perfect time for Spring cleaning). I am also going to put all my efforts into proving that I can be good slave for my Master. I am also in charge of cutting expenses in our home. I'm so happy to have these duties, because this is the life I want and I think that I can be a better slave by having the time required for a slow learner like myself. So THANK YOU Master for this opportunity. You are my love and my life and want nothing more than to prove myself for your happiness!!!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Missing Master

So I started the day with doctor appointments and came home and put on one of Master's shirts so I could have his smell with me all day. I love doing this because I miss Master when he is away, and his smell turns me on. I was even better today as things are strained between us and this helps me to feel closer to him. It's like getting a hug from him all day long. But alas that small joy was removed from when one my kids called stating he wasnt feeling, poor guy. So I picked him up from school wearing my own clothes. I brought him home and tended to him while tending the home as well. I don't like it when my kids are ill, I hate knowing they feel bad. I would feel kind of strange wearing Master's clothes with the kids around so instead I walked around the house always some sort of his clothing nearby that I could stop and smell. I do miss Master and can't wait for him to come home.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

That time of year

Today I went to work, and concentrated on sex all day. Always a good thing, however, I have to be careful not to get too daydreamy or I lose concentration on my work. However, thinking of sex while at a tedius and thankless job can certainly make the day go by faster. I did make a stop in the restroom and tease my clit a bit, didn't cum, because I am saving that for Master tonight. I feel bad for Master, this is tax season and that is His living, so He has to work so hard right now, and I miss Him. I'am (jokingly) a tax widow. But hopefully our nightly sex time revives him. I love to get Him to relax and then I can suck His cock and bring him pleasure.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Sex Training 101

Master has me in sex training still, and i love it. My mind is adjusting and learning to think about at all times and i am learning that i can find some sort of sexual context in just about everything i do. It certainly makes housework more enjoyable. And reaping the benefits of being horny is always a great reward and such a great stress reducer as well. Thank you Master for letting me explore these wonderful sexual feelings and getting to know my sexual better, and a very large Thank you for letting me release my sexual energies on you. More to cum...

Friday, March 5, 2010

Phase IV

So this is in a new phase of training. Sex training. What could be more fun. Have to admit this is the easiest phase so far. I can think of much worse things than focusing on sex all day long. I'm very turned on today and cannot wait for Master to come home so we can scratch this itch. I have not let myself cum today, because I am saving that wonderful orgasm for Master. I will continue to dream today.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

To learn

Today this one is communicating with Master. this one needs to understand Master better and wants nothing more than to understand so that she can serve and please Him better. The biggest problem this one has with this is that this one is thinking too highly of herself, because this one thinks she knows Master very well. But this one doesnt, and so this one must find a better way to communicate with Master. this can feel Master moving further and further away from her, but at the same this one feels that she is communicating. But this one feels the same barrier between getting bigger and bigger no matter how this one communicates. this one just wants Him happy. this one wants Him very happy, and this one is failing.....again.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Soul search

Today this one has contemplated her slave status and the ways in which she can improve. Master feels that this one is lazy when it comes to being a slave. This one has a hard time understanding this to some degree, but it doesnt matter what this one thinks. This knows that the only thing that matters is what Master thinks. So this one is determined to "kick it up a notch" to prove to Master that she is worthy of being a slave. This one will do some deep thinking and find her faults and fix them. She is determined! And she will do everything to make Master a happy Master

Thursday, February 25, 2010

So So Sorry

This one has learned over the course of the last few days that she is still struggling at being a slave. Master has declared that this one is reverting to her old ways, and this makes her sad. This one doesn't see her errors as well as she should. This one was told that she would be going back to the former phase of training, and this made her very upset, as this one knows that she is failing Master yet again. Master did take pity on this one and declared that he would send this back to the former phase but will watch this one very carefully. Master, please know that this one feels for You when she fails you. This one hates to her Master, and wants only to please You. Thank You again for giving this another chance.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

A little sore

Master had me on the cross last night, and WOW, we had some fun. It had been awhile since I was put thru so many different forms of pain, and at times it was hard but all I can say is WOW. I was turned on, and Master was turned on, and we had really great sex. We were luck in that out all of children were at other people's houses for the night, so we were able to be kinky, and loud without fear of them hearing. I made quite a mess of things with my squirting and dripping, but that is not a bad thing. Today I'm a little sore, as there are some things on the cross we need to "soften" up a bit, but it's kinda cool because each little twinge of pain is a reminder of the wonderful time we had together!!

Friday, February 19, 2010

Phase II

Master has removed this one from intense training which means this one is no longer required to ask permission for anything and everything. Master feels that this one has made enough progress and has shown enough improvement to remove those restriction. this one is happy to move into this phase of training, as this was feeling as if our relationship was becoming too formal and detached. this one loves Master so much that she missed the easy, comfortable feelings of just being able to talk or touch Master. this one still shows proper to Master, but does not need permission to speak, touch, or look at Master. So this is in a much happier place as looking Master in eye is so important this one, it is another form of worship to me, as his eyes are beautiful and hold such wisdom and light for this one. this one is feeling more at ease and comfortable with the new freedoms and feels stronger for the training she has received so far. this one looks forward to more training, so that she can become the best slave for her Master.

Thursday, February 18, 2010


Today this one was chained with some slack to move around, as long as it was on all fours. Master was kind enough to let me have a bed on the floor and some water in a bowl while he was at work. This one had to wear a diaper while Master was away, something that this one does not like. This one was happy to do this for Master today, as He seemed pleased with this one and seemed to enjoy seeing this one tethered up. This one has been very humbled by this training exercise. This one is always happy to perform duties, tasks, or other exercises for her Master's benefit. This is still struggling with the feeling of detachment from her Master, and the lose of her ownself. This does embrace training but this one cannot wait to be out of this phase, as her emotions are starting to ebb and flow more and more through out the day. And this one does not want to disappoint Master any more.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Trials of Training

This one is having an odd day. With a new work schedule, new people to work with, and being intense training this one is feeling a little out of "whack". this one is having a hard time communicating these feelings with Master, as this one is afraid of saying anything wrong. Master is a patient Master, but this believes that she can be frustrating to talk with because this one struggles with formulating words and when asked a question this one usually needs to think about it before speaking, as this one doesn't want to say the wrong thing, or convey the wrong the message. this one feels so little self assurance that even speaking is becoming difficult. this is having a hard time referring to itself in the third person and is feeling detached from not only Master but from its own self. this one knows this is part of training and understands that it is a good thing but this has a hard time putting it into words for Master to understand. this one only wants to please Master and to learn and become a good slave.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Taming of "this one"

this one has not written in quite some time, because this one is under going rigorus slave training. this one has made quite a few mistakes during this intense training, but hopefully this one will be better from now on. this one is somewhat lonely in training, because this one feels detached from Master during this time, however, oddly enough sometimes this one feels closer. this is happy to do Master's bidding, as it is this one's most ferverent wish to make Master happy. this has been quite humbled during training, and is hopeful that the most extreme part of training will not last long. this one longs for acceptance from Master, but this one also knows that she must earn the acceptance first. this one will continue to post everyday with updates on the training, and the what types of training have been used or are being used.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Another Chance

My wonderful Master, has again, granted me another chance. I have been struggling with my role in our relationship lately and it has taken a toll on our relationship. But with the communication lines opened again, we are back on track. It seems Master will starting fresh with me and re-training me. I don't know how to thank you Master, as this is a most wonderful gift. I will strive to improve and get better at everything and be perfect for you. My love for you is the reason I survive and all I want to do is prove it to you. With your guidance and patience I know I will overcome my short comings and make you proud. I have studied and retained so much information that will help me in my personal growth! I have shared all that with you and cannot wait to explore and share more.