Tethered

Today this one was chained with some slack to move around, as long as it was on all fours. Master was kind enough to let me have a bed on the floor and some water in a bowl while he was at work. This one had to wear a diaper while Master was away, something that this one does not like. This one was happy to do this for Master today, as He seemed pleased with this one and seemed to enjoy seeing this one tethered up. This one has been very humbled by this training exercise. This one is always happy to perform duties, tasks, or other exercises for her Master's benefit. This is still struggling with the feeling of detachment from her Master, and the lose of her ownself. This does embrace training but this one cannot wait to be out of this phase, as her emotions are starting to ebb and flow more and more through out the day. And this one does not want to disappoint Master any more.

Trials of Training

This one is having an odd day. With a new work schedule, new people to work with, and being intense training this one is feeling a little out of "whack". this one is having a hard time communicating these feelings with Master, as this one is afraid of saying anything wrong. Master is a patient Master, but this believes that she can be frustrating to talk with because this one struggles with formulating words and when asked a question this one usually needs to think about it before speaking, as this one doesn't want to say the wrong thing, or convey the wrong the message. this one feels so little self assurance that even speaking is becoming difficult. this is having a hard time referring to itself in the third person and is feeling detached from not only Master but from its own self. this one knows this is part of training and understands that it is a good thing but this has a hard time putting it into words for Master to understand. this one only wants to please Master and to learn and become a good slave.

Another Chance

My wonderful Master, has again, granted me another chance. I have been struggling with my role in our relationship lately and it has taken a toll on our relationship. But with the communication lines opened again, we are back on track. It seems Master will starting fresh with me and re-training me. I don't know how to thank you Master, as this is a most wonderful gift. I will strive to improve and get better at everything and be perfect for you. My love for you is the reason I survive and all I want to do is prove it to you. With your guidance and patience I know I will overcome my short comings and make you proud. I have studied and retained so much information that will help me in my personal growth! I have shared all that with you and cannot wait to explore and share more.

Love hurts

How can one improve? It is a daily struggle I have. I feel like I'm improving and I think I'm improving, but I am apparently only kidding myself. I do things better, or spend time improving myself, so I feel that there is forward motion in my self improvement. But, something is still wrong. I seem to forever displease Master. This is a battle I will continue to fight, as I want nothing more than a safe, secure, loving relationship with Master. But it hurts my heart that I feel like I'm doing good, but find out that I am not.

Perfection

Perfection is a goal that I wish obtain, but know I will never achieve. So why would I continue to work at being perfect even though I will attain it? I know I am not the only human on Earth who wants to achieve perfection yet know that realistically it will never happen. Do I set myself for failure? I don't believe so. I just believe that there is no actual definition for "perfect" when it comes to a slave. There is always something that can be done better. I consider myself a continual work in progress. And with all the adjustments and tweaking I do, perhaps it will my Master happy. If not that I will continue to tweak and adjust until it does. After all I don't want to be perfect for the whole world, I want to be perfect for my world....which is my Master.

Holiday fun

The Holiday Season is upon us. And it is flying by, as usual. I always amazes me how much time it takes to shop and wrap the gifts, but on Christmas it takes mere moments for the wrapping paper and boxes to be scattered and discarded. Oddly enough that is the best part. I love to watch everyone open their gifts. The look of surprise, delight, or the often comical look of shock is the very best part. And my Master often gives me "the look" when he hands me a gift that he bought for me and I know just by the lack weight of the gift, that it will be something inappropriate to open in front of the kids. That look I get from him makes me tingle all over. So for me I have tingles during the Holidays instead of jingles.

Project

My most loving Master has given me a project. I was make a "slave uniform" for everyday wear when I am home. This was fun and imaginative idea for me. Just one problem...me and sewing machines don't get along. I became so frustrated today with the sewing machine, that I wanted to throw it out the window. In my frustration, I told my Master how frustrated I was and I became upset. My Master was kind enough to take time from his day and come home to check on me because I had been so frustrated. I loved seeing in the middle of the day, but now I embarassed that I hit that frustration point to such a degree that he needed to check on me. I love you Master for the consideration you showed me today. I do feel quite humbled that you would take the time from your day to look in on the poor slave girl!! I will fix the mess I made of the uniform and loving fix the mistakes I made.

Taking a stroll

I work in a very tedious environment where I cannot let my mind wander off it's own very often. My mind seems to need constant supervision, or it will drift away and I end up stopping mid sentence and can't remember where I was. Anyway, today being a slower day than usual, my mind was allowed to take walks into fantasy land. Kind of my own "Happiest Place on Earth". I found my day just flew by when thinking of worshipping my Master's cock, and the various ways I could please him. So if you have never been able too, I would suggest letting your mind take a stroll once in awhile when you are working, it makes the day go by so quickly, and you can act out your fantasies when you get home.

Growing

I have encountered so many articles and suggestions over the last week that I am somewhat overwhelmed. The learning and molding process of becoming a slave has been a great journey. It hasn't all been easy, but it has still been great. I feel myself growing each day and letting my mind expand and all of it is an adventure. As I learn more about myself I share with my Master and I think my communication is getting better. I can't wait for him to come home each day so that I can share my thoughts with him. And my Master, you deserve a huge thank you, as you have been very patient with me.

Learning

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Could it be

So I have been given the task of looking at collars and letting my Master which kind I like. A very daunting task as there are so many out there and I like a few different kinds. I'm very exicited about being asked to look at them. I am hoping this means that I will receive a permanent collar. The significance of such a gift is not lost on me. I would be so very honored to wear my Master's gift of a permanent collar. I have a few temporary collars that I wear, even one that my Master made for me which I cherish, but a permanent collar would be the ultimate gift for me. If anyone has any suggestions as to great websites to visit for good collars, please let know.

Sweet Release

The warm and tingling feeling is still caressing my butt. I have received punishment for some wrongdoings and while uncomfortable in a physical sense, mentally I feel better for my punishment. I know that my Master has punished me and now those wrongdoings are cleansed from me and I can move on without the guilt weighing me down. So now I turn my energies to my to do list and concentrate on how to make things well between us. I have turned over yet another new leaf and am taking my projects and my rules by the horns and tackling them with 100 percent of my energies 100 percent of the time. By doing this I will overcome my Master's concerns about me and finally be able to prove that this is the lifestyle I want. Please wish me luck.

I find myself in a quandry. My Master doesn't seem happy. I have politely asked if something is bothering him but he just says "no". I have attempted to peak some interest in him, but it doesn't seem to be working. He just seems down. And this affects our time together, because I worry about him. All those questions start coming to mind, like "Is it something I did? Something I said? or even Something I haven't done." I do feel out of sorts when I feel that things are not alright. Hope does prevail and I do believe that things will be well again soon.

When Swines Fly

Our humble home has been struck by the dreaded H1N1 virus. We are all experiencing the dreaded virus at different times (luckily I'm done with it) which has been a good thing. We can all take care of the ill one. So with my illness, our fantasy writing had been post poned. The first fantasy I wrote for my Master has not been put to the test yet, but he did like it. Now the second fantasy is something we are working on together line by line and it is turing out to be quite interesting and a ton of fun. It is so much more fun working on it together. I will be finding out if I am able to share some of the writings here on my blog. It would be fun to share some of the experiences with all who read my humble blog. This of course will be completely up to my Master, and I being a good submissive will do as he pleases.

The Written Word

My given project is to think of a fantasy and write it out for my Master. I have done one today and will do another tomorrow. This is a fun project for me, but there are so many fantasies that it is hard to choose. And out of the two that I will write for my Master, he will choose whether we will act them out or not. I do feel vulnerable when writing out my fantasies because if they are rejected I feel I have failed my Master. But whether we use one of mine or one of his, I do know that we both reap the joy of the pleasures that we will experience together.
I continue to work on my submissivness and feel that I am making very little progress. Actually, I feel/think I'm making progress, but thankfully my Master is there to remind me of the things I have not accomplished yet. So I will continue to improve myself, so that my Master will look at me and know he made the right choice.

Shortcomings aplenty

Bestow upon me the wisdom of a submissive. Please, anyone out there that can offer an opinion, point of view, or example of superb submissivness, I would be forever grateful! I have a mind full of ideas to prove and show my Master how much I love him. In fact I have so many, both large and small, that I can't seem to settle on which ones would be best. My mind just spins and spins with so many ideas that I get them all confused. I love my Master above all things, but I need to find a few specific things that will prove to him my complete and utter surrender. I have done some things, but still feel that I have failed him. Perhaps that is the way the of the submissive. My punishments for my shortcomings are always great reminders of all that I need to improve upon, but I feel as if something is still missing. Perhaps I will think upon that alone, maybe it is my shortcomings that are the problem.

Love

The quiet beauty of love seeps thru each of us. I look at my Master and my love shines thru. The simple act of watching him sleep brings me such joy. The sweet tast of him when I kiss him goodbye in the morning warms my heart the whole day thru until I can come home and await his arrival for another sweet kiss. The simple act of a kiss from my Master fills my heart with love, because I love him so much. The touch of his fingers, or a look from him refills my heart yet again. He is my life and my life line. I miss him when we are apart, and yearn for his attention. It is love, and it is good love. I submit and he rules. That is love, and love is a quiet and beautiful, and should above all be cherished

Generosity

I have been granted a wonderful gift. Another chance. I have sucessfully managed to screw up pretty much everything in my life and therefore everything in my Master's life. However, my Master has granted me the wonderful gift of another chance. My short-fallings shall remain between me and my Master, but suffice it to say, I am not only unworthy of him, but have learned alot and will put forth the love and admirmation I have for him to prove myself to him. I find it incredibly amazing that this wonderful man has granted this once in a lifetime opportunity. Not only is he is wonderfully gracious but he also cares enough about me to explain the situation to me so I know the rules and understand all consequences. So, to my Master, I say a heart felt Thank You, and please know that I think you are the most generous of people and that I hold you in the most highest regard, and I promise to excel for you, and you alone.

Woefully yours

To worry over matters tends to wear down one's mind, heart and soul. These days all I do is worry. Too many worries to even post. While I have my path to guide me and my Master to instruct me, I still feel lost. Too many emotions, and feeling, and worries...they are like obstacles. And each one of them is a hurddle I must overcome, but each hurddle takes on a different shape, heigth and width, so each one takes time. It's that same old cliche of feeling adrift alone on the huge ocean. My Master is instructing me, and he is most excellent at it, so why do I feel lost? My Master is the one who give the stability of an anchor and helps keep me grounded and focused. So why do I feel this way? It's me. I'm the reason I feel this way. My past haunts me, it persues me and won't let go of me. It rears it's ugly head and reminds me that I am nothing. Perhaps I take too much pleasure from being a slave and therefore I should be hounded by the past to remind me that I am nothing. To remind me that I am not worthy, that I truly don't deserve my place. And yet even though I am lost, I am happy. I am free to serve my Master, and that is all I want. I want to make my Master happy.

Testing 1-2-3

What is one to suppose to do when they don't feel well? I feel like utter crap! You see, I'm in pain from an infection in my tooth. Not only does it hurt, and it hurts alot, but it makes me feel like crap and I can't sleep....so I'm grumpy too. And when I get this way, I get quiet and tend to zone out alot. And my poor Master doesn't know what to do. I feel so bad for him because I'm sure that since I don't know what to do for myself, he doesn't either. And I don't have the energy to put makeup on let alone have a coherent thought in my head. So to my Master....I am truly sorry. I'm a pathetic excuse when I don't feel well, and you shouldn't have to put up with it, so I will strive to do better. I sort of think of this as a test, what exactly am I capable of doing for my Master while I don't feel well....I'm not sure yet, but today will be a good indication and will push my boundaries a little.