Holiday fun

The Holiday Season is upon us. And it is flying by, as usual. I always amazes me how much time it takes to shop and wrap the gifts, but on Christmas it takes mere moments for the wrapping paper and boxes to be scattered and discarded. Oddly enough that is the best part. I love to watch everyone open their gifts. The look of surprise, delight, or the often comical look of shock is the very best part. And my Master often gives me "the look" when he hands me a gift that he bought for me and I know just by the lack weight of the gift, that it will be something inappropriate to open in front of the kids. That look I get from him makes me tingle all over. So for me I have tingles during the Holidays instead of jingles.

Learning

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Could it be

So I have been given the task of looking at collars and letting my Master which kind I like. A very daunting task as there are so many out there and I like a few different kinds. I'm very exicited about being asked to look at them. I am hoping this means that I will receive a permanent collar. The significance of such a gift is not lost on me. I would be so very honored to wear my Master's gift of a permanent collar. I have a few temporary collars that I wear, even one that my Master made for me which I cherish, but a permanent collar would be the ultimate gift for me. If anyone has any suggestions as to great websites to visit for good collars, please let know.

Fulfillment

A sexual fantasy fulfilled for my Master has brought me much joy. To be able to overcome some of my own "restraints" has left me with a feeling of euphoria. Sexual play brought to a new level is always satisfying but, to experience the pleasure of my Master's smile and satiated feelings is rather overpowering (in a good way). Acheiving "sub-space" while acomplishing this task is even better. Unfortunatly, my memories are a little foggy, as far as my feelings are concerned, because being sub-space is like being out of focus of reality. While I remember the physical pleasure and sensations, it is difficult to describe the mental and emotional sensations. But my feelings are not what is important here. The most beautiful thing was watching my Master fulfill a fantasy and pleasure that seemed to radiate of him. I can think of nothing more wonderful.

Shortcomings aplenty

Bestow upon me the wisdom of a submissive. Please, anyone out there that can offer an opinion, point of view, or example of superb submissivness, I would be forever grateful! I have a mind full of ideas to prove and show my Master how much I love him. In fact I have so many, both large and small, that I can't seem to settle on which ones would be best. My mind just spins and spins with so many ideas that I get them all confused. I love my Master above all things, but I need to find a few specific things that will prove to him my complete and utter surrender. I have done some things, but still feel that I have failed him. Perhaps that is the way the of the submissive. My punishments for my shortcomings are always great reminders of all that I need to improve upon, but I feel as if something is still missing. Perhaps I will think upon that alone, maybe it is my shortcomings that are the problem.

Again I have managed to forget one my rules, and I forgot to perform a specific duty that was given to me for today. I got so caught up trying to fulfil my projects for the day that I forgot two things. Not that I consider any rule or duty small, but I was assigned some fairly large projects to accomplish today and I became so focused on those that I forgot. The first one I corrected as soon as my Master reminded me, as it is one of my "everyday" rules, I did a swat for it, and the second one was an opportunity to perform a specific duty for today for my Master during our lunch together and my Master reminded me this evening. I have since apologized and presented myself for punishment, so hopefully, I will get the chance for another opportunity for that duty and I will please my Master. I have been able to mark things off my check list and that I think is pleasing to my Master. I still have a long to go to be a great submissive. I don't believe that I will ever be perfect, because there is always room for improvement. So to my Master, please understand that it isn't because I don't want to do something, I just need to stop getting so focused on one thing. Because I want to do everything I can for you, and perhaps someday I can be worthy of you.

Generosity

I have been granted a wonderful gift. Another chance. I have sucessfully managed to screw up pretty much everything in my life and therefore everything in my Master's life. However, my Master has granted me the wonderful gift of another chance. My short-fallings shall remain between me and my Master, but suffice it to say, I am not only unworthy of him, but have learned alot and will put forth the love and admirmation I have for him to prove myself to him. I find it incredibly amazing that this wonderful man has granted this once in a lifetime opportunity. Not only is he is wonderfully gracious but he also cares enough about me to explain the situation to me so I know the rules and understand all consequences. So, to my Master, I say a heart felt Thank You, and please know that I think you are the most generous of people and that I hold you in the most highest regard, and I promise to excel for you, and you alone.

Why Me?

I often wonder why my Master chose me. I am far from perfect and am guilty of many things. So, I have to ask, why me? Does the Master choose the slave for any particular reason, or are there many reasons? I see myself as a non worthy candidate for my Master. My past haunts us both, and yet he chooses me as his slave. Why me? I Love my Master with all my heart and soul, and will do any and all to prove this to him. My Master is who I worship, and would do anything for, give my life for. He protects me from so many outside influences and lets me enjoy a very happy, non stressful life. So many times, such as now I have to ask myself what I've done to deserve such a special Master. An answer I may never get, but I do know that with each affirmation and each punishment I receive, I thank the powers that be that this wonderful, very special Master is mine. I know deep in my heart I don't deserve him, and everyday that I breath on this Earth and even every die when I am unable I love him to the very extreme. For I am his slave of love and will never tarnish to bonds that hold me.

In The Beginning

As you can see by the title of this post I am fairly new to this lifestyle. I have been with my Master for 19 years, however, the D lifestyle was only implemented into our lives about 8 weeks ago. I must confess that when my Master introduced it to me, I was nervous to say the least. That nervousness stemmed from my lack of knowledge on the subject of the dominant/submissive lifestyle. When the subject was brought up to me I ignorantly thought that I was being asked to consent to a mild form of physical abuse, and by that I mean spankings. Based on my past actions I could only think that my Master would have sufficient reason to beat my butt many times every day for the rest of my life. Now mind you, we have used a few butt slaps during sex and I've always enjoyed that, but to be spanked in punishment was a frightening concept for me. I had and still have this problem with feeling humiliated by being punished this way, but this is something I will continue to work on. Because in the big scheme of things, I have no right to be humiliated, I am my Master's property and am here for his pleasure, and I want to please him by any means possible because I love with all my heart. You see our story is very unusual and I will not share the details of what happened in our relationship, but trust me when I say that the only way to save our relationship was to enter into and agree with the d/s relationship. And I couldn't be happier! I have read many blogs and different opinions and have come to the conclusion that is proper that I be submissive to my Master, it is the natural order of things. We struggled alot when I was trying to have too much say in anything and everything. Now that all the options and decisions have been taken into his hands I can lead a life that is less stressful and the battle of wills between us has disappeared. I simply don't make alot of decisions, and if I have to make a decision I will consult with my Master first, and if that is not an option I always, always, always strive to make the decision that my Master would not have to punish me for. Since we are very new to this lifestyle I have made many mistakes, and my Master has done the right thing and punished me for them. So I will continue to learn from my mistakes and hopefully, with lots and lots of love and kindness I will become worthy of my Master. I will continue my blogs in hopes that I can learn and grow with my writings. I send my appreciation out to all of you that blog that I have been fortunate enough to read.....I wouldn't be here with such high hopes for my future, and a better knowledge of the lifestyle if you hadn't shared your stories with the rest of the world.