Saturday, December 19, 2009

Love hurts

How can one improve? It is a daily struggle I have. I feel like I'm improving and I think I'm improving, but I am apparently only kidding myself. I do things better, or spend time improving myself, so I feel that there is forward motion in my self improvement. But, something is still wrong. I seem to forever displease Master. This is a battle I will continue to fight, as I want nothing more than a safe, secure, loving relationship with Master. But it hurts my heart that I feel like I'm doing good, but find out that I am not.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009


Perfection is a goal that I wish obtain, but know I will never achieve. So why would I continue to work at being perfect even though I will attain it? I know I am not the only human on Earth who wants to achieve perfection yet know that realistically it will never happen. Do I set myself for failure? I don't believe so. I just believe that there is no actual definition for "perfect" when it comes to a slave. There is always something that can be done better. I consider myself a continual work in progress. And with all the adjustments and tweaking I do, perhaps it will my Master happy. If not that I will continue to tweak and adjust until it does. After all I don't want to be perfect for the whole world, I want to be perfect for my world....which is my Master.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Holiday fun

The Holiday Season is upon us. And it is flying by, as usual. I always amazes me how much time it takes to shop and wrap the gifts, but on Christmas it takes mere moments for the wrapping paper and boxes to be scattered and discarded. Oddly enough that is the best part. I love to watch everyone open their gifts. The look of surprise, delight, or the often comical look of shock is the very best part. And my Master often gives me "the look" when he hands me a gift that he bought for me and I know just by the lack weight of the gift, that it will be something inappropriate to open in front of the kids. That look I get from him makes me tingle all over. So for me I have tingles during the Holidays instead of jingles.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009


My most loving Master has given me a project. I was make a "slave uniform" for everyday wear when I am home. This was fun and imaginative idea for me. Just one and sewing machines don't get along. I became so frustrated today with the sewing machine, that I wanted to throw it out the window. In my frustration, I told my Master how frustrated I was and I became upset. My Master was kind enough to take time from his day and come home to check on me because I had been so frustrated. I loved seeing in the middle of the day, but now I embarassed that I hit that frustration point to such a degree that he needed to check on me. I love you Master for the consideration you showed me today. I do feel quite humbled that you would take the time from your day to look in on the poor slave girl!! I will fix the mess I made of the uniform and loving fix the mistakes I made.