Tuesday, July 28, 2009
To worry over matters tends to wear down one's mind, heart and soul. These days all I do is worry. Too many worries to even post. While I have my path to guide me and my Master to instruct me, I still feel lost. Too many emotions, and feeling, and worries...they are like obstacles. And each one of them is a hurddle I must overcome, but each hurddle takes on a different shape, heigth and width, so each one takes time. It's that same old cliche of feeling adrift alone on the huge ocean. My Master is instructing me, and he is most excellent at it, so why do I feel lost? My Master is the one who give the stability of an anchor and helps keep me grounded and focused. So why do I feel this way? It's me. I'm the reason I feel this way. My past haunts me, it persues me and won't let go of me. It rears it's ugly head and reminds me that I am nothing. Perhaps I take too much pleasure from being a slave and therefore I should be hounded by the past to remind me that I am nothing. To remind me that I am not worthy, that I truly don't deserve my place. And yet even though I am lost, I am happy. I am free to serve my Master, and that is all I want. I want to make my Master happy.