Lost and confused

This blog will have a different tone for awhile because Master and I are having to start things afresh. My incompetence has made Master's life miserable and I am going to be changing my personal behaviors and actions in an effort to be a good slave. I have realized things recently about myself that have caused Master confusion and I am undergoing a fundamental change in myself in order to be better. I am highly distressed due to my inability to make Master happy and now understand the changes within that need to be done. I saddens me that Master is unhappy with me, and only want to correct my wrongs to him. Wish me luck as I venture down this pathway.

Still Hearthurt

Communication is going better, or so I hope. I asked Master if our discussions over the last couple days is helping, and he did say that is helping somewhat. I know I have a long way to go, but I hold to hope that all will be well between us soon. I do get a better understanding of what Master is expecting of me, and so I hold to each insight in hopes of correcting the problems between us. I am frustrated with myself though. I only want Master to be happy, and I cannot be happy if Master is not. So with those concerns that little voice inside me still wonders if I will ever be good enough for Master. I miss him, and our closeness. I will continue to strive for the being slave for Master, so that perhaps someday he will be happy once again.

Hearthurt

As I continue my struggle with communication, it occurs to me that perhaps I am being to simple of my explinations when speaking with Master. I always speak honestly, however in trying to be honest I believe I have lost sight of what an explination is. I will continue to work on this fault of mine. It is causing a rift with Master, which is just the opposite of what I want. Master is lonely, and I hurt for him. I feel like I am communicating with him but much to my dismay, it is not the right communication that Master is looking for. I want Master to be happy. I have obviously given him enough unhappiness and grief and truly want nothing more than for him to be happy. We will not go forward without his happiness, and Master is thinking of going in a different direction==away from me. This saddens me greatly!!!! So I will continue to fight for him. My heart is heavy, but never without hope.

Sad to Death

So I've thought about my lack of being able to communicate with Master, and am still somewhat in a slump. I have tried to broach the subject with Master, which much to my sadness made Master even more upset. He says I am doing too little too late. I am very saddened to hear this from Master, but alas I will not give up. I will continue to work on myself and only that Master will not dis-own me. My heart breaks for Master because all I want for him is happiness. Can I be the one to make him happy, and if I'm not, then what? Am I being selffish in expecting him to be happy with me?

Lost again

I am failing at communicating with Master, although I don't know how I'm failing. I feel like I talk to Master but it isn't working. I talk about my feelings and my wants but to no avail. I want Master to understand how I feel and what I feel because Master is all important. I want nothing hidden from Master so feel that I am constantly stating all thoughts and feelings to him. However, I seem to be failing, and I don't know what or how I am doing it wrong. I just want open, honest, sincere communication. I have decided to study up on communicating as my way of communicating is not correct.

Backwards

Why is it that I always hear women trying to put the male race down? For instance I heard on the radio the other day the d.j.'s were requesting women to call in and basically complain that their men do enough around the house. There were plenty of women who decided to call in and complain. I'm sorry, but why? My Master may not do the dishes or the laundry or scrub toilets, but he does go to work every day and make money, and he tends to the yard, and to the garage, changes filters on air vents and handles our financials. So no he may not the day to day "chores" in our house, but why should he? He does enough already! My Master deserves to praised for such things, as do most men out there. We as women need to learn to be thankful that our Masters/Husbands/Significant Others work hard for our families, and that they have not been feminized!! Unfortunately that is part of what is wrong with our society is that men cannot be men and women cannot be women. Society as a whole has tried to feminize the male and turn our females into males. Go figure. Thank you Master for being the man you are!!

Spring Cleaning and Stuff

Spring cleaning seems to bring out the shine in your home. However with that comes the dust and the actual realization of how much shit one family can accumulate. I'm quite embarrassed that I had not taken better notice last year on the yearly cleaning campaign. UGH! And I have to say that by far our twins room is the worst. They are two teenage boys and I cannot blame them 100% for the masses of stuff they have. They not get their own clothes, toys, video games and shoes but they also get the hand me downs from their older brother. Incredible. But again with the wonderful support of my wonderful Master I am allowed to clean everything! I plan to thank my Master by of course, worshipping his cock tonight, because he so deserves it!!