Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Today we shed another layer of past. We got rid of my car. This is a good thing, above and beyond no further car payments, it was nice to get rid of something that stirs up bad memories. And this car had some bad memory baggage. Master has been very nice in acquiring another car for me, and look forward to having good memories attached to the new car. I really hope that by ridding ourselves of the old car will help in the repairations between us, because that constant reminder will no longer be there. I know there are still issues between us, and with hope still blooming in me I hope all will be well.
Monday, May 17, 2010
This blog will have a different tone for awhile because Master and I are having to start things afresh. My incompetence has made Master's life miserable and I am going to be changing my personal behaviors and actions in an effort to be a good slave. I have realized things recently about myself that have caused Master confusion and I am undergoing a fundamental change in myself in order to be better. I am highly distressed due to my inability to make Master happy and now understand the changes within that need to be done. I saddens me that Master is unhappy with me, and only want to correct my wrongs to him. Wish me luck as I venture down this pathway.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Communication is going better, or so I hope. I asked Master if our discussions over the last couple days is helping, and he did say that is helping somewhat. I know I have a long way to go, but I hold to hope that all will be well between us soon. I do get a better understanding of what Master is expecting of me, and so I hold to each insight in hopes of correcting the problems between us. I am frustrated with myself though. I only want Master to be happy, and I cannot be happy if Master is not. So with those concerns that little voice inside me still wonders if I will ever be good enough for Master. I miss him, and our closeness. I will continue to strive for the being slave for Master, so that perhaps someday he will be happy once again.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
As I continue my struggle with communication, it occurs to me that perhaps I am being to simple of my explinations when speaking with Master. I always speak honestly, however in trying to be honest I believe I have lost sight of what an explination is. I will continue to work on this fault of mine. It is causing a rift with Master, which is just the opposite of what I want. Master is lonely, and I hurt for him. I feel like I am communicating with him but much to my dismay, it is not the right communication that Master is looking for. I want Master to be happy. I have obviously given him enough unhappiness and grief and truly want nothing more than for him to be happy. We will not go forward without his happiness, and Master is thinking of going in a different direction==away from me. This saddens me greatly!!!! So I will continue to fight for him. My heart is heavy, but never without hope.