Friday, November 13, 2009

Taking a stroll

I work in a very tedious environment where I cannot let my mind wander off it's own very often. My mind seems to need constant supervision, or it will drift away and I end up stopping mid sentence and can't remember where I was. Anyway, today being a slower day than usual, my mind was allowed to take walks into fantasy land. Kind of my own "Happiest Place on Earth". I found my day just flew by when thinking of worshipping my Master's cock, and the various ways I could please him. So if you have never been able too, I would suggest letting your mind take a stroll once in awhile when you are working, it makes the day go by so quickly, and you can act out your fantasies when you get home.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Growing

I have encountered so many articles and suggestions over the last week that I am somewhat overwhelmed. The learning and molding process of becoming a slave has been a great journey. It hasn't all been easy, but it has still been great. I feel myself growing each day and letting my mind expand and all of it is an adventure. As I learn more about myself I share with my Master and I think my communication is getting better. I can't wait for him to come home each day so that I can share my thoughts with him. And my Master, you deserve a huge thank you, as you have been very patient with me.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Learning

In my studying of becoming a better slave, I have run across an interesting concept. Based on my dysfunctional upbringing and events that happened during my childhood I find these thoughts very interesting because I fit into these almost perfectly. I post these here because I will be thinking about this and commenting on what thoughts I have come up with at a later date......I got this from submissiveloving.com

Because of her intense awareness of interpersonal nuance, she is highly sensitive to both criticism and praise. When criticized, she is likely to feel intense shame; when praised, intense pleasure. Since the shame feels so bad, and the praise so pleasurable, she becomes a people-pleaser. This tends to lead to the development of what psychologists call "an external locus of control." Meaning that child bases her self assessment (am I good or bad?) on factors outside herself. The female submissive defines herself based on what others tell her she is.

But if development should go awry, as it too often does for this child, the personality traits she has develop in a distorted manner, and cause her difficulties. In dysfunctional families, this child suffers more than others with tougher hides, less reactive temperments. She is often the one singled out for physical, sexual or emotional abuse. Her very nature makes her available for use: for the parent's angers, frustrations, sexual impulses, or narcissistic gratification. When a submissive child is misused in this fashion, she is unable to utilize her interpersonal talents in a constructive way. She must either develop rigid defenses that constrain her ability to be flexible as an adult, or be blown about by the winds of other's emotions all her life, or become stuck in what are popularly called, "co-dependent relationships."Women who emerge from childhood with these traits will be more or less consciously submissive in that they are STILL moldable, controllable by others. Those who don't consciously seek a Dominant partner will naturally gravitate to a man who influences, controls her in a benevolent manner. Who accepts her, loves her, nurtures her, and values her sensitivity.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Could it be

So I have been given the task of looking at collars and letting my Master which kind I like. A very daunting task as there are so many out there and I like a few different kinds. I'm very exicited about being asked to look at them. I am hoping this means that I will receive a permanent collar. The significance of such a gift is not lost on me. I would be so very honored to wear my Master's gift of a permanent collar. I have a few temporary collars that I wear, even one that my Master made for me which I cherish, but a permanent collar would be the ultimate gift for me. If anyone has any suggestions as to great websites to visit for good collars, please let know.