A Slaves Love

Mind Sex

2010-07-08T16:08:00.000-07:00

As I am exploring my ability to think about sex all day, I find it can be difficult to walk around in a state of constant arousal. Don't get me wrong, I love it. It's just that since the kids are home for summer I find it hard to either concentrate on what they are doing are talking about, or if I concentrate on them to much my arousal diminishes. I am still trying to work out a happy balance. However, the rewards for keeping my mind on sex day in and day out are wonderful. It makes me feel happier in general, and of course the release when Master lets me cum is wonderful. I am trying to push my limits in my sexual thoughts, trying to picture some kinky stuff that I have had trouble with in the bedroom, so I can picture them in my mind, but when it comes to doing it in real life I can't. Hopefully I will overcome this particular problem so maybe Master will be happy with me.

Away

2010-07-07T13:28:00.000-07:00

They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, however when Master and I were away from each other for a few days during our recent trip, I felt lost without him. I'm certain my heart did grow fonder but I was sad without him. It was only two days, but still I missed him constantly. When we were back together I wanted to have sex with him, but we only had time for a quick blow job. Which is one of my favorite things! But I did miss the intimacy of the actual act of sex. Last night after driving home, an eight hour drive, I showered and put on make up did my hair and wore a new dress to please Master. We then went to our room and I was lucky enough to get to suck his cock before he pushed it into my pussy. It felt so good to have Master on top of me, I truly missed him, and I hope that someday I can prove to him just much I really do love him.

Kink Me Up

2010-07-01T14:45:00.000-07:00

Looking for some help. It seems that I need to "spice" things up in the sex department. Master and I do lots of kinky things inthe bedroom, but those kinky ideas come from Master. Master would like me to expand my kinky mind and come up with some ideas. So, please if you have any ideas on how I can expand that area of my brain I would appreciate it! I have been doing some daily sex training both mentally and physically, but need some help with expanding the kinkiness. I promise to post any sexy details!

Sex

2010-06-21T17:57:00.000-07:00

Friday night we were blessed with a few hours of alone time. That happens too infrequently for our loud sex sessions. So the moment the kids were out the door, I put on my leather collar so that Master could then put my leash on. It has been awhile since I've been on a leash so this was nice for me. I always know we will have super kinky sex when I have a leash! So Master put me in a chair and we discussed some of my wrong doings and what the punishment for those wrongdoings will be. Master placed nipple clamps on me while we were discussing these issues, and they did hurt, but they felt soooo good when they were removed. From there Master stood me up and had me bend over the bed to receive my spanking. For this spanking Master used the pleasure whip. Which does hurt but it felt good to know I was being punished properly. Master and I then took pleasure in different positions like 69, and fucking me from behind, or from the front. I then had to pee and was instructed to pee into my hands and rub it all over me, which Master did lick some off of me and we fucked like rabbits until Master came. Then we showered and innocently waited for the kids to return. As always it was too short, but we did use it to our advantage. Luckily, Master and I usually have sex everyday, so more sex stories to follow.

Past

2010-05-19T20:24:00.000-07:00

Today we shed another layer of past. We got rid of my car. This is a good thing, above and beyond no further car payments, it was nice to get rid of something that stirs up bad memories. And this car had some bad memory baggage. Master has been very nice in acquiring another car for me, and look forward to having good memories attached to the new car. I really hope that by ridding ourselves of the old car will help in the repairations between us, because that constant reminder will no longer be there. I know there are still issues between us, and with hope still blooming in me I hope all will be well.

Lost and confused

2010-05-17T16:57:00.000-07:00

This blog will have a different tone for awhile because Master and I are having to start things afresh. My incompetence has made Master's life miserable and I am going to be changing my personal behaviors and actions in an effort to be a good slave. I have realized things recently about myself that have caused Master confusion and I am undergoing a fundamental change in myself in order to be better. I am highly distressed due to my inability to make Master happy and now understand the changes within that need to be done. I saddens me that Master is unhappy with me, and only want to correct my wrongs to him. Wish me luck as I venture down this pathway.

Still Hearthurt

2010-05-06T19:24:00.000-07:00

Communication is going better, or so I hope. I asked Master if our discussions over the last couple days is helping, and he did say that is helping somewhat. I know I have a long way to go, but I hold to hope that all will be well between us soon. I do get a better understanding of what Master is expecting of me, and so I hold to each insight in hopes of correcting the problems between us. I am frustrated with myself though. I only want Master to be happy, and I cannot be happy if Master is not. So with those concerns that little voice inside me still wonders if I will ever be good enough for Master. I miss him, and our closeness. I will continue to strive for the being slave for Master, so that perhaps someday he will be happy once again.

Hearthurt

2010-05-04T19:56:00.001-07:00

As I continue my struggle with communication, it occurs to me that perhaps I am being to simple of my explinations when speaking with Master. I always speak honestly, however in trying to be honest I believe I have lost sight of what an explination is. I will continue to work on this fault of mine. It is causing a rift with Master, which is just the opposite of what I want. Master is lonely, and I hurt for him. I feel like I am communicating with him but much to my dismay, it is not the right communication that Master is looking for. I want Master to be happy. I have obviously given him enough unhappiness and grief and truly want nothing more than for him to be happy. We will not go forward without his happiness, and Master is thinking of going in a different direction==away from me. This saddens me greatly!!!! So I will continue to fight for him. My heart is heavy, but never without hope.

Sad to Death

2010-04-28T15:12:00.000-07:00

So I've thought about my lack of being able to communicate with Master, and am still somewhat in a slump. I have tried to broach the subject with Master, which much to my sadness made Master even more upset. He says I am doing too little too late. I am very saddened to hear this from Master, but alas I will not give up. I will continue to work on myself and only that Master will not dis-own me. My heart breaks for Master because all I want for him is happiness. Can I be the one to make him happy, and if I'm not, then what? Am I being selffish in expecting him to be happy with me?

Lost again

2010-04-27T17:43:00.000-07:00

I am failing at communicating with Master, although I don't know how I'm failing. I feel like I talk to Master but it isn't working. I talk about my feelings and my wants but to no avail. I want Master to understand how I feel and what I feel because Master is all important. I want nothing hidden from Master so feel that I am constantly stating all thoughts and feelings to him. However, I seem to be failing, and I don't know what or how I am doing it wrong. I just want open, honest, sincere communication. I have decided to study up on communicating as my way of communicating is not correct.

Backwards

2010-04-22T15:46:00.001-07:00

Why is it that I always hear women trying to put the male race down? For instance I heard on the radio the other day the d.j.'s were requesting women to call in and basically complain that their men do enough around the house. There were plenty of women who decided to call in and complain. I'm sorry, but why? My Master may not do the dishes or the laundry or scrub toilets, but he does go to work every day and make money, and he tends to the yard, and to the garage, changes filters on air vents and handles our financials. So no he may not the day to day "chores" in our house, but why should he? He does enough already! My Master deserves to praised for such things, as do most men out there. We as women need to learn to be thankful that our Masters/Husbands/Significant Others work hard for our families, and that they have not been feminized!! Unfortunately that is part of what is wrong with our society is that men cannot be men and women cannot be women. Society as a whole has tried to feminize the male and turn our females into males. Go figure. Thank you Master for being the man you are!!

Spring Cleaning and Stuff

2010-04-20T15:22:00.000-07:00

Spring cleaning seems to bring out the shine in your home. However with that comes the dust and the actual realization of how much shit one family can accumulate. I'm quite embarrassed that I had not taken better notice last year on the yearly cleaning campaign. UGH! And I have to say that by far our twins room is the worst. They are two teenage boys and I cannot blame them 100% for the masses of stuff they have. They not get their own clothes, toys, video games and shoes but they also get the hand me downs from their older brother. Incredible. But again with the wonderful support of my wonderful Master I am allowed to clean everything! I plan to thank my Master by of course, worshipping his cock tonight, because he so deserves it!!

Turning a new leaf

2010-04-19T18:35:00.000-07:00

So on Thursday I was terminated from my place of employment. Which is actually a blessing. I worked odd long hours, and could never catch up with matters at home. So Master has declared that I will not be going back to work outside of the home. I couldn't be happier. I have the BEST Master ever! So I have turned my focuses to getting our house properly organized (perfect time for Spring cleaning). I am also going to put all my efforts into proving that I can be good slave for my Master. I am also in charge of cutting expenses in our home. I'm so happy to have these duties, because this is the life I want and I think that I can be a better slave by having the time required for a slow learner like myself. So THANK YOU Master for this opportunity. You are my love and my life and want nothing more than to prove myself for your happiness!!!

Missing Master

2010-03-23T15:07:00.000-07:00

So I started the day with doctor appointments and came home and put on one of Master's shirts so I could have his smell with me all day. I love doing this because I miss Master when he is away, and his smell turns me on. I was even better today as things are strained between us and this helps me to feel closer to him. It's like getting a hug from him all day long. But alas that small joy was removed from when one my kids called stating he wasnt feeling, poor guy. So I picked him up from school wearing my own clothes. I brought him home and tended to him while tending the home as well. I don't like it when my kids are ill, I hate knowing they feel bad. I would feel kind of strange wearing Master's clothes with the kids around so instead I walked around the house always some sort of his clothing nearby that I could stop and smell. I do miss Master and can't wait for him to come home.

That time of year

2010-03-18T19:03:00.000-07:00

Today I went to work, and concentrated on sex all day. Always a good thing, however, I have to be careful not to get too daydreamy or I lose concentration on my work. However, thinking of sex while at a tedius and thankless job can certainly make the day go by faster. I did make a stop in the restroom and tease my clit a bit, didn't cum, because I am saving that for Master tonight. I feel bad for Master, this is tax season and that is His living, so He has to work so hard right now, and I miss Him. I'am (jokingly) a tax widow. But hopefully our nightly sex time revives him. I love to get Him to relax and then I can suck His cock and bring him pleasure.

Sex Training 101

2010-03-17T13:25:00.000-07:00

Master has me in sex training still, and i love it. My mind is adjusting and learning to think about at all times and i am learning that i can find some sort of sexual context in just about everything i do. It certainly makes housework more enjoyable. And reaping the benefits of being horny is always a great reward and such a great stress reducer as well. Thank you Master for letting me explore these wonderful sexual feelings and getting to know my sexual better, and a very large Thank you for letting me release my sexual energies on you. More to cum...

Phase IV

2010-03-05T13:52:00.000-08:00

So this is in a new phase of training. Sex training. What could be more fun. Have to admit this is the easiest phase so far. I can think of much worse things than focusing on sex all day long. I'm very turned on today and cannot wait for Master to come home so we can scratch this itch. I have not let myself cum today, because I am saving that wonderful orgasm for Master. I will continue to dream today.

To learn

2010-02-28T18:31:00.000-08:00

Today this one is communicating with Master. this one needs to understand Master better and wants nothing more than to understand so that she can serve and please Him better. The biggest problem this one has with this is that this one is thinking too highly of herself, because this one thinks she knows Master very well. But this one doesnt, and so this one must find a better way to communicate with Master. this can feel Master moving further and further away from her, but at the same this one feels that she is communicating. But this one feels the same barrier between getting bigger and bigger no matter how this one communicates. this one just wants Him happy. this one wants Him very happy, and this one is failing.....again.

Soul search

2010-02-26T15:45:00.000-08:00

Today this one has contemplated her slave status and the ways in which she can improve. Master feels that this one is lazy when it comes to being a slave. This one has a hard time understanding this to some degree, but it doesnt matter what this one thinks. This knows that the only thing that matters is what Master thinks. So this one is determined to "kick it up a notch" to prove to Master that she is worthy of being a slave. This one will do some deep thinking and find her faults and fix them. She is determined! And she will do everything to make Master a happy Master

So So Sorry

2010-02-25T18:50:00.001-08:00

This one has learned over the course of the last few days that she is still struggling at being a slave. Master has declared that this one is reverting to her old ways, and this makes her sad. This one doesn't see her errors as well as she should. This one was told that she would be going back to the former phase of training, and this made her very upset, as this one knows that she is failing Master yet again. Master did take pity on this one and declared that he would send this back to the former phase but will watch this one very carefully. Master, please know that this one feels for You when she fails you. This one hates to her Master, and wants only to please You. Thank You again for giving this another chance.

A little sore

2010-02-21T16:46:00.000-08:00

Master had me on the cross last night, and WOW, we had some fun. It had been awhile since I was put thru so many different forms of pain, and at times it was hard but all I can say is WOW. I was turned on, and Master was turned on, and we had really great sex. We were luck in that out all of children were at other people's houses for the night, so we were able to be kinky, and loud without fear of them hearing. I made quite a mess of things with my squirting and dripping, but that is not a bad thing. Today I'm a little sore, as there are some things on the cross we need to "soften" up a bit, but it's kinda cool because each little twinge of pain is a reminder of the wonderful time we had together!!

Phase II

2010-02-19T15:57:00.000-08:00

Master has removed this one from intense training which means this one is no longer required to ask permission for anything and everything. Master feels that this one has made enough progress and has shown enough improvement to remove those restriction. this one is happy to move into this phase of training, as this was feeling as if our relationship was becoming too formal and detached. this one loves Master so much that she missed the easy, comfortable feelings of just being able to talk or touch Master. this one still shows proper to Master, but does not need permission to speak, touch, or look at Master. So this is in a much happier place as looking Master in eye is so important this one, it is another form of worship to me, as his eyes are beautiful and hold such wisdom and light for this one. this one is feeling more at ease and comfortable with the new freedoms and feels stronger for the training she has received so far. this one looks forward to more training, so that she can become the best slave for her Master.

Tethered

2010-02-18T15:48:00.000-08:00

Today this one was chained with some slack to move around, as long as it was on all fours. Master was kind enough to let me have a bed on the floor and some water in a bowl while he was at work. This one had to wear a diaper while Master was away, something that this one does not like. This one was happy to do this for Master today, as He seemed pleased with this one and seemed to enjoy seeing this one tethered up. This one has been very humbled by this training exercise. This one is always happy to perform duties, tasks, or other exercises for her Master's benefit. This is still struggling with the feeling of detachment from her Master, and the lose of her ownself. This does embrace training but this one cannot wait to be out of this phase, as her emotions are starting to ebb and flow more and more through out the day. And this one does not want to disappoint Master any more.

Trials of Training

2010-02-17T17:34:00.000-08:00

This one is having an odd day. With a new work schedule, new people to work with, and being intense training this one is feeling a little out of "whack". this one is having a hard time communicating these feelings with Master, as this one is afraid of saying anything wrong. Master is a patient Master, but this believes that she can be frustrating to talk with because this one struggles with formulating words and when asked a question this one usually needs to think about it before speaking, as this one doesn't want to say the wrong thing, or convey the wrong the message. this one feels so little self assurance that even speaking is becoming difficult. this is having a hard time referring to itself in the third person and is feeling detached from not only Master but from its own self. this one knows this is part of training and understands that it is a good thing but this has a hard time putting it into words for Master to understand. this one only wants to please Master and to learn and become a good slave.

Taming of "this one"

2010-02-16T15:54:00.001-08:00

this one has not written in quite some time, because this one is under going rigorus slave training. this one has made quite a few mistakes during this intense training, but hopefully this one will be better from now on. this one is somewhat lonely in training, because this one feels detached from Master during this time, however, oddly enough sometimes this one feels closer. this is happy to do Master's bidding, as it is this one's most ferverent wish to make Master happy. this has been quite humbled during training, and is hopeful that the most extreme part of training will not last long. this one longs for acceptance from Master, but this one also knows that she must earn the acceptance first. this one will continue to post everyday with updates on the training, and the what types of training have been used or are being used.

Another Chance

2010-01-14T13:53:00.000-08:00

My wonderful Master, has again, granted me another chance. I have been struggling with my role in our relationship lately and it has taken a toll on our relationship. But with the communication lines opened again, we are back on track. It seems Master will starting fresh with me and re-training me. I don't know how to thank you Master, as this is a most wonderful gift. I will strive to improve and get better at everything and be perfect for you. My love for you is the reason I survive and all I want to do is prove it to you. With your guidance and patience I know I will overcome my short comings and make you proud. I have studied and retained so much information that will help me in my personal growth! I have shared all that with you and cannot wait to explore and share more.

Love hurts

2009-12-19T05:13:00.000-08:00

How can one improve? It is a daily struggle I have. I feel like I'm improving and I think I'm improving, but I am apparently only kidding myself. I do things better, or spend time improving myself, so I feel that there is forward motion in my self improvement. But, something is still wrong. I seem to forever displease Master. This is a battle I will continue to fight, as I want nothing more than a safe, secure, loving relationship with Master. But it hurts my heart that I feel like I'm doing good, but find out that I am not.

Perfection

2009-12-16T07:38:00.000-08:00

Perfection is a goal that I wish obtain, but know I will never achieve. So why would I continue to work at being perfect even though I will attain it? I know I am not the only human on Earth who wants to achieve perfection yet know that realistically it will never happen. Do I set myself for failure? I don't believe so. I just believe that there is no actual definition for "perfect" when it comes to a slave. There is always something that can be done better. I consider myself a continual work in progress. And with all the adjustments and tweaking I do, perhaps it will my Master happy. If not that I will continue to tweak and adjust until it does. After all I don't want to be perfect for the whole world, I want to be perfect for my world....which is my Master.

Holiday fun

2009-12-09T18:07:00.000-08:00

The Holiday Season is upon us. And it is flying by, as usual. I always amazes me how much time it takes to shop and wrap the gifts, but on Christmas it takes mere moments for the wrapping paper and boxes to be scattered and discarded. Oddly enough that is the best part. I love to watch everyone open their gifts. The look of surprise, delight, or the often comical look of shock is the very best part. And my Master often gives me "the look" when he hands me a gift that he bought for me and I know just by the lack weight of the gift, that it will be something inappropriate to open in front of the kids. That look I get from him makes me tingle all over. So for me I have tingles during the Holidays instead of jingles.

Project

2009-12-02T18:16:00.000-08:00

My most loving Master has given me a project. I was make a "slave uniform" for everyday wear when I am home. This was fun and imaginative idea for me. Just one problem...me and sewing machines don't get along. I became so frustrated today with the sewing machine, that I wanted to throw it out the window. In my frustration, I told my Master how frustrated I was and I became upset. My Master was kind enough to take time from his day and come home to check on me because I had been so frustrated. I loved seeing in the middle of the day, but now I embarassed that I hit that frustration point to such a degree that he needed to check on me. I love you Master for the consideration you showed me today. I do feel quite humbled that you would take the time from your day to look in on the poor slave girl!! I will fix the mess I made of the uniform and loving fix the mistakes I made.

Taking a stroll

2009-11-13T17:22:00.000-08:00

I work in a very tedious environment where I cannot let my mind wander off it's own very often. My mind seems to need constant supervision, or it will drift away and I end up stopping mid sentence and can't remember where I was. Anyway, today being a slower day than usual, my mind was allowed to take walks into fantasy land. Kind of my own "Happiest Place on Earth". I found my day just flew by when thinking of worshipping my Master's cock, and the various ways I could please him. So if you have never been able too, I would suggest letting your mind take a stroll once in awhile when you are working, it makes the day go by so quickly, and you can act out your fantasies when you get home.

Growing

2009-11-12T14:04:00.000-08:00

I have encountered so many articles and suggestions over the last week that I am somewhat overwhelmed. The learning and molding process of becoming a slave has been a great journey. It hasn't all been easy, but it has still been great. I feel myself growing each day and letting my mind expand and all of it is an adventure. As I learn more about myself I share with my Master and I think my communication is getting better. I can't wait for him to come home each day so that I can share my thoughts with him. And my Master, you deserve a huge thank you, as you have been very patient with me.

Learning

2009-11-05T16:36:00.000-08:00

In my studying of becoming a better slave, I have run across an interesting concept. Based on my dysfunctional upbringing and events that happened during my childhood I find these thoughts very interesting because I fit into these almost perfectly. I post these here because I will be thinking about this and commenting on what thoughts I have come up with at a later date......I got this from submissiveloving.com

Because of her intense awareness of interpersonal nuance, she is highly sensitive to both criticism and praise. When criticized, she is likely to feel intense shame; when praised, intense pleasure. Since the shame feels so bad, and the praise so pleasurable, she becomes a people-pleaser. This tends to lead to the development of what psychologists call "an external locus of control." Meaning that child bases her self assessment (am I good or bad?) on factors outside herself. The female submissive defines herself based on what others tell her she is.

But if development should go awry, as it too often does for this child, the personality traits she has develop in a distorted manner, and cause her difficulties. In dysfunctional families, this child suffers more than others with tougher hides, less reactive temperments. She is often the one singled out for physical, sexual or emotional abuse. Her very nature makes her available for use: for the parent's angers, frustrations, sexual impulses, or narcissistic gratification. When a submissive child is misused in this fashion, she is unable to utilize her interpersonal talents in a constructive way. She must either develop rigid defenses that constrain her ability to be flexible as an adult, or be blown about by the winds of other's emotions all her life, or become stuck in what are popularly called, "co-dependent relationships."Women who emerge from childhood with these traits will be more or less consciously submissive in that they are STILL moldable, controllable by others. Those who don't consciously seek a Dominant partner will naturally gravitate to a man who influences, controls her in a benevolent manner. Who accepts her, loves her, nurtures her, and values her sensitivity.

Could it be

2009-11-04T15:49:00.000-08:00

So I have been given the task of looking at collars and letting my Master which kind I like. A very daunting task as there are so many out there and I like a few different kinds. I'm very exicited about being asked to look at them. I am hoping this means that I will receive a permanent collar. The significance of such a gift is not lost on me. I would be so very honored to wear my Master's gift of a permanent collar. I have a few temporary collars that I wear, even one that my Master made for me which I cherish, but a permanent collar would be the ultimate gift for me. If anyone has any suggestions as to great websites to visit for good collars, please let know.

Sweet Release

2009-10-27T17:13:00.000-07:00

The warm and tingling feeling is still caressing my butt. I have received punishment for some wrongdoings and while uncomfortable in a physical sense, mentally I feel better for my punishment. I know that my Master has punished me and now those wrongdoings are cleansed from me and I can move on without the guilt weighing me down. So now I turn my energies to my to do list and concentrate on how to make things well between us. I have turned over yet another new leaf and am taking my projects and my rules by the horns and tackling them with 100 percent of my energies 100 percent of the time. By doing this I will overcome my Master's concerns about me and finally be able to prove that this is the lifestyle I want. Please wish me luck.

2009-10-20T19:08:00.000-07:00

I find myself in a quandry. My Master doesn't seem happy. I have politely asked if something is bothering him but he just says "no". I have attempted to peak some interest in him, but it doesn't seem to be working. He just seems down. And this affects our time together, because I worry about him. All those questions start coming to mind, like "Is it something I did? Something I said? or even Something I haven't done." I do feel out of sorts when I feel that things are not alright. Hope does prevail and I do believe that things will be well again soon.

Project 1

2009-10-14T20:03:00.000-07:00

Here is a "sketch" of my first project for my Master. With his approval I have posted it. It is in rough draft form, and we have not been able to "play" this out yet.....but soon we will I hope....

OBJECTIVE:
I would like to be tethered and/or chained and be completely at your mercy for any all sexual pleasures.
I would wear my leather collar and have a chain attatched to it for you to lead my around by
I would be chained up during sex play and during times that we not engaged in sex play
My mouth would need to remain quiet unless you specifically tell me to speak
I would wait on you hand and foot and do everything you wished and anything and everything to bring you pleasure I could not cum unless you told me too
I would be a total nasty slut and beg for your cock and beg you to fuck me
I will lick you all over to heighten your nerve endings and bring you pleasure from the feeling of my tongue running all over your body
I would to be your most humble servant
SCENE:
I am a new slave at your “sex resort” and need to be taught my you, the Master how to conduct myself. I'm scared and turned on at the same time. Slightly shy, but willing to do anything even if seems a little strange to me. I do have a small defiant streak and you need to break me, so that I will become humble and subserviant.
There are many methods you have at your disposal to teach me, toys, whips, hands and of course how you speak.
I would be either dressed very slutty, or not at all, that is up the Master.

When Swines Fly

2009-10-13T19:34:00.000-07:00

Our humble home has been struck by the dreaded H1N1 virus. We are all experiencing the dreaded virus at different times (luckily I'm done with it) which has been a good thing. We can all take care of the ill one. So with my illness, our fantasy writing had been post poned. The first fantasy I wrote for my Master has not been put to the test yet, but he did like it. Now the second fantasy is something we are working on together line by line and it is turing out to be quite interesting and a ton of fun. It is so much more fun working on it together. I will be finding out if I am able to share some of the writings here on my blog. It would be fun to share some of the experiences with all who read my humble blog. This of course will be completely up to my Master, and I being a good submissive will do as he pleases.

The Written Word

2009-10-06T18:14:00.000-07:00

My given project is to think of a fantasy and write it out for my Master. I have done one today and will do another tomorrow. This is a fun project for me, but there are so many fantasies that it is hard to choose. And out of the two that I will write for my Master, he will choose whether we will act them out or not. I do feel vulnerable when writing out my fantasies because if they are rejected I feel I have failed my Master. But whether we use one of mine or one of his, I do know that we both reap the joy of the pleasures that we will experience together.
I continue to work on my submissivness and feel that I am making very little progress. Actually, I feel/think I'm making progress, but thankfully my Master is there to remind me of the things I have not accomplished yet. So I will continue to improve myself, so that my Master will look at me and know he made the right choice.

Fulfillment

2009-10-05T19:14:00.000-07:00

A sexual fantasy fulfilled for my Master has brought me much joy. To be able to overcome some of my own "restraints" has left me with a feeling of euphoria. Sexual play brought to a new level is always satisfying but, to experience the pleasure of my Master's smile and satiated feelings is rather overpowering (in a good way). Acheiving "sub-space" while acomplishing this task is even better. Unfortunatly, my memories are a little foggy, as far as my feelings are concerned, because being sub-space is like being out of focus of reality. While I remember the physical pleasure and sensations, it is difficult to describe the mental and emotional sensations. But my feelings are not what is important here. The most beautiful thing was watching my Master fulfill a fantasy and pleasure that seemed to radiate of him. I can think of nothing more wonderful.

Shortcomings aplenty

2009-09-27T19:11:00.000-07:00

Bestow upon me the wisdom of a submissive. Please, anyone out there that can offer an opinion, point of view, or example of superb submissivness, I would be forever grateful! I have a mind full of ideas to prove and show my Master how much I love him. In fact I have so many, both large and small, that I can't seem to settle on which ones would be best. My mind just spins and spins with so many ideas that I get them all confused. I love my Master above all things, but I need to find a few specific things that will prove to him my complete and utter surrender. I have done some things, but still feel that I have failed him. Perhaps that is the way the of the submissive. My punishments for my shortcomings are always great reminders of all that I need to improve upon, but I feel as if something is still missing. Perhaps I will think upon that alone, maybe it is my shortcomings that are the problem.

2009-09-02T18:52:00.000-07:00

Again I have managed to forget one my rules, and I forgot to perform a specific duty that was given to me for today. I got so caught up trying to fulfil my projects for the day that I forgot two things. Not that I consider any rule or duty small, but I was assigned some fairly large projects to accomplish today and I became so focused on those that I forgot. The first one I corrected as soon as my Master reminded me, as it is one of my "everyday" rules, I did a swat for it, and the second one was an opportunity to perform a specific duty for today for my Master during our lunch together and my Master reminded me this evening. I have since apologized and presented myself for punishment, so hopefully, I will get the chance for another opportunity for that duty and I will please my Master. I have been able to mark things off my check list and that I think is pleasing to my Master. I still have a long to go to be a great submissive. I don't believe that I will ever be perfect, because there is always room for improvement. So to my Master, please understand that it isn't because I don't want to do something, I just need to stop getting so focused on one thing. Because I want to do everything I can for you, and perhaps someday I can be worthy of you.

Not So Smart Sometimes

2009-09-01T19:17:00.000-07:00

Why am I always so slow to get a rule to stay in my head? You would think that a submissive would always, always, always obey every rule. It's not that I don't want to it, it just hasn't stuck in my head yet. But...why? Stupid, stupid, stupid. No other way around it, I can just be plain stupid. I get a spanking when I don't follow the rules, and it is something I want to do. So it's just that I'm stupid sometimes. Wouldn't a smart person put two and two together and obey all rules at all time, ESPECIALLY if it's something they like and take pride in? I honestly don't know how my Master puts up with me. Hopefully the spankings will put more brain cells in my head!

Love

2009-08-26T18:45:00.000-07:00

The quiet beauty of love seeps thru each of us. I look at my Master and my love shines thru. The simple act of watching him sleep brings me such joy. The sweet tast of him when I kiss him goodbye in the morning warms my heart the whole day thru until I can come home and await his arrival for another sweet kiss. The simple act of a kiss from my Master fills my heart with love, because I love him so much. The touch of his fingers, or a look from him refills my heart yet again. He is my life and my life line. I miss him when we are apart, and yearn for his attention. It is love, and it is good love. I submit and he rules. That is love, and love is a quiet and beautiful, and should above all be cherished

Generosity

2009-08-25T17:05:00.000-07:00

I have been granted a wonderful gift. Another chance. I have sucessfully managed to screw up pretty much everything in my life and therefore everything in my Master's life. However, my Master has granted me the wonderful gift of another chance. My short-fallings shall remain between me and my Master, but suffice it to say, I am not only unworthy of him, but have learned alot and will put forth the love and admirmation I have for him to prove myself to him. I find it incredibly amazing that this wonderful man has granted this once in a lifetime opportunity. Not only is he is wonderfully gracious but he also cares enough about me to explain the situation to me so I know the rules and understand all consequences. So, to my Master, I say a heart felt Thank You, and please know that I think you are the most generous of people and that I hold you in the most highest regard, and I promise to excel for you, and you alone.

Woefully yours

2009-07-28T19:49:00.000-07:00

To worry over matters tends to wear down one's mind, heart and soul. These days all I do is worry. Too many worries to even post. While I have my path to guide me and my Master to instruct me, I still feel lost. Too many emotions, and feeling, and worries...they are like obstacles. And each one of them is a hurddle I must overcome, but each hurddle takes on a different shape, heigth and width, so each one takes time. It's that same old cliche of feeling adrift alone on the huge ocean. My Master is instructing me, and he is most excellent at it, so why do I feel lost? My Master is the one who give the stability of an anchor and helps keep me grounded and focused. So why do I feel this way? It's me. I'm the reason I feel this way. My past haunts me, it persues me and won't let go of me. It rears it's ugly head and reminds me that I am nothing. Perhaps I take too much pleasure from being a slave and therefore I should be hounded by the past to remind me that I am nothing. To remind me that I am not worthy, that I truly don't deserve my place. And yet even though I am lost, I am happy. I am free to serve my Master, and that is all I want. I want to make my Master happy.

Testing 1-2-3

2009-07-21T15:44:00.000-07:00

What is one to suppose to do when they don't feel well? I feel like utter crap! You see, I'm in pain from an infection in my tooth. Not only does it hurt, and it hurts alot, but it makes me feel like crap and I can't sleep....so I'm grumpy too. And when I get this way, I get quiet and tend to zone out alot. And my poor Master doesn't know what to do. I feel so bad for him because I'm sure that since I don't know what to do for myself, he doesn't either. And I don't have the energy to put makeup on let alone have a coherent thought in my head. So to my Master....I am truly sorry. I'm a pathetic excuse when I don't feel well, and you shouldn't have to put up with it, so I will strive to do better. I sort of think of this as a test, what exactly am I capable of doing for my Master while I don't feel well....I'm not sure yet, but today will be a good indication and will push my boundaries a little.

Rocky Road

2009-07-11T17:45:00.000-07:00

This past week has been a challenge for me. I have recently had a schedule change at work and so my entire daily regimine has been completly screwed up. This in turn has thrown everything off kilter, and therefore has resulted in numerous failures on my part, which has disappointed my Master. Oh how I hate to dissapoint! The spankings are easier to take (and there has more than usual) than the disappointment I see in his eyes and hear in his voice. I'm not using the schedule change as an excuse for my failures, in fact I have come to realize that there is no excuse. I am just having a problem adjusting to trying to do the same daily routine in a different time frame. I had the realization that I need to use my time better and not try to do everything the moment I come home (which I had the luxury of doing prior to a shift change), I can with little effort shift some of my daily routine to the early morning hours. So to my Master, my most sincere apologies for not having the forethought to change my schedule earlier!! I will adapt to new schedule and decrease your disappoint in me. As I should and always will strive to be the perfect submissive and will strive to give you less stress in our world.

Why Me?

2009-07-06T17:52:00.000-07:00

I often wonder why my Master chose me. I am far from perfect and am guilty of many things. So, I have to ask, why me? Does the Master choose the slave for any particular reason, or are there many reasons? I see myself as a non worthy candidate for my Master. My past haunts us both, and yet he chooses me as his slave. Why me? I Love my Master with all my heart and soul, and will do any and all to prove this to him. My Master is who I worship, and would do anything for, give my life for. He protects me from so many outside influences and lets me enjoy a very happy, non stressful life. So many times, such as now I have to ask myself what I've done to deserve such a special Master. An answer I may never get, but I do know that with each affirmation and each punishment I receive, I thank the powers that be that this wonderful, very special Master is mine. I know deep in my heart I don't deserve him, and everyday that I breath on this Earth and even every die when I am unable I love him to the very extreme. For I am his slave of love and will never tarnish to bonds that hold me.

In The Beginning

2009-07-05T17:56:00.000-07:00

As you can see by the title of this post I am fairly new to this lifestyle. I have been with my Master for 19 years, however, the D lifestyle was only implemented into our lives about 8 weeks ago. I must confess that when my Master introduced it to me, I was nervous to say the least. That nervousness stemmed from my lack of knowledge on the subject of the dominant/submissive lifestyle. When the subject was brought up to me I ignorantly thought that I was being asked to consent to a mild form of physical abuse, and by that I mean spankings. Based on my past actions I could only think that my Master would have sufficient reason to beat my butt many times every day for the rest of my life. Now mind you, we have used a few butt slaps during sex and I've always enjoyed that, but to be spanked in punishment was a frightening concept for me. I had and still have this problem with feeling humiliated by being punished this way, but this is something I will continue to work on. Because in the big scheme of things, I have no right to be humiliated, I am my Master's property and am here for his pleasure, and I want to please him by any means possible because I love with all my heart. You see our story is very unusual and I will not share the details of what happened in our relationship, but trust me when I say that the only way to save our relationship was to enter into and agree with the d/s relationship. And I couldn't be happier! I have read many blogs and different opinions and have come to the conclusion that is proper that I be submissive to my Master, it is the natural order of things. We struggled alot when I was trying to have too much say in anything and everything. Now that all the options and decisions have been taken into his hands I can lead a life that is less stressful and the battle of wills between us has disappeared. I simply don't make alot of decisions, and if I have to make a decision I will consult with my Master first, and if that is not an option I always, always, always strive to make the decision that my Master would not have to punish me for. Since we are very new to this lifestyle I have made many mistakes, and my Master has done the right thing and punished me for them. So I will continue to learn from my mistakes and hopefully, with lots and lots of love and kindness I will become worthy of my Master. I will continue my blogs in hopes that I can learn and grow with my writings. I send my appreciation out to all of you that blog that I have been fortunate enough to read.....I wouldn't be here with such high hopes for my future, and a better knowledge of the lifestyle if you hadn't shared your stories with the rest of the world.